Ted Nugent Announces Final Tour, So Maybe God Is Real

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The world is a terrible place. As humanity quickly careens towards self destruction as a result of climate change, artificial intelligence, thermonuclear war or any number of totally preventable calamities, it sometimes feels like nothing good will ever happen again.

It is always darkest before dawn, friends. Ted Nugent, the transphobic, apartheid-supporting, xenophobic gun nut conspiracy theorist who shit his pants to dodge the draft, has announced his final tour.

The guitarist, who hasn’t been musically relevant for multiple decades but nonetheless is enough of a fucking asshole to stay in the public discourse, announced his imminent retirement from the road in a video posted on April 13th. Because we can’t win ‘em all, he said that he’ll still make records.

Nugent has been a festering wound on the soul of rock and roll since his early days with The Amboy Dukesin the ’60s. Beginning with a self-titled solo record in 1975, he’s released 16 albums with consistently diminishing returns. At last, his final “Adios, Mofo” U.S. tour starts July 20 in Shipshewana, Indiana, before wrapping up in Detroit on Aug. 11.

According to Nugent, “This is ‘Adios, Mofo. This is my last tour. Now, I’ll always play music — I’ve got new records I’m gonna make. I can’t wait to unleash some.

“I’ve got a [new] instrumental called ‘Butter Fingers’ that is just greasy. You can’t eat barbecue ever again adequately without the song ‘Butter Fingers’ playing loud next to your brisket.”

Nugent adds, “Thank you, everybody, for an incredible musical dream. The musical dream will continue but I’m not going on tour anymore because … hotels are jail. A hotel room is jail for me. My dogs won’t allow me to not spend the day with them.”

For what it’s worth, at least the guy cares about dogs. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Tour dates below:

  • July 20 – Shipshewana, Ind. @ Blue Gate Ctr
    July 21 – Charles Town, W.V. @ Hollywood Casino
    July 25 – Rochester, N.Y. @ Kodak Ctr
    July 26 – Glenside, Pa. @ Keswick Theater
    July 27 – Jim Thorpe. Pa. @ Penn’s Peak
    July 30 – Owensboro, Ky. @ RiverPark Ctr
    Aug. 2 – Sayreville, N.J. @ Starland
    Aug. 3 – Lancaster, Pa. @ American Music
    Aug. 4 – Washington, Pa. @ The Meadows
    Aug. 5 – Clearfield, Pa. @ County Fair
    Aug. 6 – Marietta, Ohio @ Adelphia Hall
    Aug. 9 – Saginaw, Mich. @ Temple Theatre
    Aug. 10 – Hubert Heights, Ohio @ Rose Ctr
    Aug. 11 – Detroit, Mich. @ Mich. Lottery Amp.


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