When Bruce Dickinson Reported a Sex Worker to the Cops After Feeling “Ripped Off”

ceedub13, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons
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Bruce Dickinson is a Renaissance man of limitless charm and grace. The legendary Iron Maiden frontman is the closest thing to a traditional gentleman that heavy metal has to offer, seemingly gliding through life on a cloud of charisma and talent. 

It’s hard to believe that this genre-defining singer, world-class fencer, and pilot could ever experience an awkward moment. As it turns out, Bruce Dickinson has had clumsy run-ins like the best of us.

In the documentary Monty Python: Almost The Truth (Lawyer’s Cut), Dickinson tells a hilarious story of miscommunication with a sex worker in Hamburg, Germany. At 24, it was his first time in Germany. A lighting technician named Dizzy talked the young singer into visiting the legendary Eros Center, one of the largest red light districts in the world.

“I had the occasion to complain about a very bad service being given by a [sex worker] that we engaged for the evening.

“We went upstairs with these two girls and started negotiating. We didn’t have a lot of money, we didn’t have ANY credit cards, just some Deutsche marks.”

Bruce attempted to negotiate a deal, not realizing that the clock was already ticking. Before he knew it, the sex worker cut him off, saying “That’s it, the time is up.”

“Whaddya mean the time is up?!,” exclaimed young Dickinson.  “She goes, ’20 minutes fucking, 20 minutes talking, it is all ze same.’

“I said, ‘That’s disgraceful! That’s not part of your terms and conditions!'”

The two eventually got down to business, but that’s not where the story ends.

Bruce explained, “They put little rubber hats on us and started doing things with their hands. It was very unnerving. I’m suddenly going, ‘This isn’t very erotic at all. I can do this much better in the privilege of my own bedroom.’

“I said, ‘No, stop it!’ So I took the thing off, I said, ‘I want my money back!'”

The sex worker shot down the request in short order, to which Bruce asked: “Why not? We’ve been sitting here expecting service, and we haven’t got any. Why can’t I have my money back?

“There was a very large man outside who looked like he was going to be the reason why it’s not possible.”

You’d figure that Dickinson would cut his losses and go home, right? Well, the young man wasn’t about to take this perceived indignity sitting down. Given that sex work is legal in Germany, the Iron Maiden frontman took his grievance straight to the authorities. 

“I walked into the police station, and I said, ‘I wish to register a complaint!’ [‘Monty Python’ reference]”

After listening to the story, the officer replied, “For 100 marks you paid for two handjobs?! Show me these girls!”

The ordeal finally came to an end when Bruce, Dizzy, and the police officer found the sex workers. The officer then told the young men that they would get their money back only if they filed an official complaint, which they refused.

“From that day to this, I’ve never, ever been tempted to pay for any sexual service from anybody, because I can’t possibly top that experience. And that’s why the words of Python will always come in useful.

“Arrested in Russia or wherever, about to be eaten by cannibals – ‘Stop! I wish to register a complaint!’ The world stops…”

Listen to Bruce tell the outrageous story in his own words in the video below.

 

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