‘More trauma than my brain knew how to handle’: At 30, Frances Bean Cobain Reflects On Difficult Upbringing

Frances photo by Bellarte99
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As children of the 90’s, many of us here at The Pit did quite the double take this week when learning that Frances Bean Cobain (daughter of Courtney Love and the late, great Kurt Cobain) turned 30 years old. For those that come of age in the heyday of Nirvana, photos of Kurt holding his tiny baby daughter were imprinted in our impressionable minds. So much so that it’s a bit jarring to realize that Frances is now a full blown adult. Frances, for the most part, has lived a private life out of the spotlight.

In 2018, a Vanity Fair piece shed a light on what sounded like a pretty traumatic divorce from now ex-husband Isaiah Silva. Silva claimed at the time that Courtney Love allegedly tried to have him killed in an attempt to get back an iconic Kurt guitar that ended up in Silva’s possession. Yikes.

Anyways, a few days ago, Frances decided to post a raw, emotional and honest letter on her Instagram account on her 30th birthday. Within it, she reflects on some of her earlier life struggles, but also makes it clear that they’ve helped make her stronger, and genuinely seems to be in a much better place these days, thankfully. You can read the full letter below:

“30 !!! I made it! Honestly, 20 year old Frances wasn’t sure that was going to happen. At the time, an intrinsic sense of deep self loathing dictated by insecurity, destructive coping mechanisms & more trauma than my body or brain knew how to handle, informed how I saw myself and the world; through a lens of resentment for being brought into a life that seemingly attracted so much chaos and the kind of pain tied to grief that felt inescapable. Then, an event on a plane which brought me closer in proximity to death is ironically the event that catapulted me towards running at this lived experience with radical gratitude. I’m glad to have proven myself wrong & to have found ways to transform pain into knowledge.

There’s a quote by @jaiyajohn I hold closely, which is “the softer she became with herself, the softer she became with the world”. It’s a sentiment I try to remember daily.

Entering this new decade I hope to stay soft no matter how hardening the world can feel at times, bask in the present moment with reverence, shower the people I am lucky enough to love with more appreciation than words could ever do justice & hold space to keep learning, so the growth never stops.
I’m happy to be here & I’m happy you’re here too.”


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