Throwback: GWAR Respond to Corey Taylor’s Insults in 2003 – “Keep Your Whining Trap Shut”

When they first started, nu-metal freakshow Slipknot were often compared to Antarctican sex monsters GWAR because both acts wore costumes and put on a disgustingly epic live show. But Slipknot frontman Corey Taylor obviously felt his band was more serious than their foam-rubber peers, and publicly called out the band in a 2003 statement that’s recently resurfaced. And while Corey’s comment may have been shady, GWAR’s response was genius-level hilarious.

As reported by Blabbermouth at the time, Taylor took a moment in 2003 to publicly declare that Slipknot wouldn’t “hang out after we have lost our relevance… I got one fucking word for you: GWAR. I will never do that, and I would never let that happen to a band I bled and almost went blind in one eye for, not to mention nearly losing my voice and losing the ability to sing.”

In response, GWAR’s Oderus Urungus took a moment to issue his own statement, telling Taylor, “Well, Corey, if I may retort, I feel you would be better served keeping your whining trap shut.

“Every time I read anything you say it is some piss-assed sulky BULLSHIT about how somebody had a fake laminate or how hot your overalls are or how you almost went blind over your band, didn’t talk to each other for years or whatever. WAAAAAHHH! Grow up you big baby! We don’t care about your rock ‘n’ roll soap opera, and your self-indulgent hissy-fits dilute and distract from the alleged potency of ‘the Knot.’

“Take a page from Devo or GWAR and stick with the characters and the image they create. They are much more interesting than you are (which isn’t saying much). But how could I doubt someone who has created ‘two of the best albums of all time.’ I guess you are also the guy who decides who makes the best cheesesteaks or serves the ‘greatest slice in town.’ My point is that self-annointed praise is bullshit! You are always going on about how great you are — cut it out! Do you think you’re Muhammed Ali or what? I can just imagine your embarrassed bandmates eyes rolling behind their masks, as you launch into yet another long-winded and ultimately asinine tirade, the delivery of which has unfortunately become your trademark. No wonder they don’t talk to you.

“And please stop saying ‘the Knot,’ it sounds stupid, like ‘the Nuge’,’ or ‘the Maiden.’ And as far as relevance is concerned, I have one word for you — GWAR. The mere fact that you would link relevance with a word that means nothing underscores your moronic observations as actually being retarded. If you don’t believe me, look up GWAR in the dictionary. Cultural events have relevance far longer than their actual occurrence, which means that even your crummy band will have relevance long after you break up, which will hopefully be soon. And GWAR will still be there, leading the insulting reverie, a festering stool on the doorstep of the music industry, unmarred and eternally stinky.

“It delights me no end that you think GWAR sucks,” concludes Oderus. “Maybe you can whine about it some more and we can get some free publicity. You are just too funny. A ninny placed on a podium is a ninny nonetheless. It’s too bad that your band is ‘eating itself.’ You should eat a bowl of dick, maybe that would help. Long after ‘the Knot’ has been reduced to a series of protracted legal battles, GWAR will remain an indelible blot on the fabric of our lives, and I will remain a dedicated, obscure, and in my own manner, relevant artist. People will eternally remember you as the scary clowns who had the lead-singer that whined like a little bitch every time he got in print. Maybe you’ll think GWAR is relevant when Oderus rams his scaly cock up your ass, that is if you can stop orgasming for five seconds.”

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Words by Chris Krovatin

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