It feels like America is once more in the grip of the infamous Satanic Panic of the 1980s. While we all assumed that people had grown up after countless hardcore Christian groups accused Ozzy Osbourne and Dungeons & Dragons of somehow promoting devil-worship and child abuse, the Bible-bashers are out there today more than ever, picketing metal radio stations and blaming Travis Scott’s Astroworld tragedy on Lucifer. Now, a group of anti-maskers denied service at a restaurant accused the owners of ‘satanic activity’ — and the restaurant responded in the best way possible.
As reported by Bored Panda, back in the spring, Luna Rotisserie in Carrboro, North Carolina, were approached by a group of customers who refused to wear masks. When the restaurant held firm to their rules and turned the people away, they were quickly given a one-star review on Google Reviews, which accused them of satanism for some pretty ridiculous reasons:
“This place is full of Satanic activity,” said the review. “As free breathing humans, we were discriminated against, the wait staff refused to serve our laughing, smiling faces. I cannot believe the treatment we received here, as if we were below them. If you like freedom, go elsewhere!!”
Man, if only we’d known that having ‘laughing, smiling faces’ was reason for being served somewhere, we would’ve grinned a little harder at that bartender who threw us out of Chili’s for puking on the floor.
Anyway: Luna found the review as funny as you probably did, and decided to embrace the label by creating shirts featuring the Devil in a facemask, with the full text of the review posted underneath:
You can buy T-shirts and sweatshirts featuring Luna’s satanic review at the restaurant’s online store. And for the record, if you’re ever marching home to write what you think will be a powerful, career-destroying online review, remember that everyone’s laughing at your dumb ass, and this might happen to you moving forward:
Words by Chris Krovatin