Ozzy Osbourne Claims Satan Saved Him From COVID

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While plenty of metal artists either reject Satan outright or do anything they can to curry the Dark One’s favor, Ozzy Osbourne has always stood firmly in the middle of the road. On the one hand, rock’s Prince of Darkness spent most of the ’80s trying to dissuade parents from suing his record company because their kids listened to “Crazy Train” and started wearing a lot of black. On the other, Ozzy’s never missed a chance to flash the horns and stick out his tongue when the act will get him applause and/or gasps of horror. And now, according to a recent interview, Ozzy claims that he didn’t get COVID thanks to the help of the Devil Himself.

In a new interview with Metal Hammer, Ozzy discusses how his wife Sharon and daughter Kelly both got COVID-19, but he managed to avoid the virus. His secret? An eternal allegiance with the lord of all bloodshed, obviously.

“My wife had the virus; my daughter had the virus and I never got it,” said Ozzy. “Being a devil worshipper does have its good points!”

Best response ever. We love you, Ozzy.
Ozzy also goes on to describe his upcoming new album, which will be produced by Andrew Watt, who produced last year’s Ordinary Man, and will feature guest appearances by Jeff Beck, Zakk Wylde, and hardcore COVID denier Eric Clapton.
“It’s going to be similar in tone to Ordinary Man,” he says, “but I can’t describe it completely. I’ve not heard it for a while because it keeps going over to the next person to add their parts – we’re fucking around with it all the time.”
As for Ozzy’s ongoing health issues, the metal vocalist isn’t quite as delicate or cheeky: “I’ve struggling with this fucking broken neck, looks like I’m in for more surgery. I’m in physical therapy right now.”
Everyone at The Pit hopes Satan is looking out for Ozzy right now.