Ah, Halloween, a time to scroll through old photos, relive some memories, and wonder why you were so obsessed with the Power Rangers as a kid. A big part of Halloween nostalgia is remembering the ill-fitting outfits our parents jammed us into on that day, some of which were adorable, some of which were downright embarrassing. Now, Rob Zombie guitarist and metal axeman extraordinaire John 5 has revealed his own childhood Halloween story, which includes him winning first prize at a costume contest while wearing an outfit his mom pulled together for him…but boy, does this story have a weird side to it.
Speaking recently to Loudwire, John 5 reminisced about the Halloweens of his youth, saying, “Halloween where I grew up was very special. It was very nice. I grew up in a very, very nice neighborhood. So we would go trick-or-treat, and you would get invited into homes…I remember they would have warm donuts. Everybody had warm donuts, and either hot chocolate or something like that.”
However, one Halloween, young John and Mom 5 weren’t quick enough in pulling together his costume. At the last minute, his mother decided to raid her closet, and decked John out in one of her dresses, a fur boa, and a boatload of make-up. Her description of the costume? Well…
“And she goes, ‘Okay, you’re a high-dollar prostitute.’ And I was like, ‘Okay!'” said John, as though that was a totally normal thing to be for Halloween. “So I walk to school in this dress and this fur, these weird fake diamonds and my face was all made up and all that stuff. And I won first prize!”
So there you have it, folks — if you were supposed to help your kid with their Halloween costume and you don’t really have time, just throw together your skimpiest outfits and dress them as a whore. They’ll either be traumatized for life or will win the Halloween contest and become one of the most prominent artists in their field. Depends on how good their strut is, I guess.
John 5’s new album Sinner drops October 29th and is available for preorder.
Words by Chris Krovatin