Mother of the Year: New Zealand Woman Names Her Kids Metallica, Pantera, and Slayer

When metalheads become parents, hijinks are bound to ensue. Whether it’s dressing their children in Cadaveric Incubator onesies or having them bring an Immortal album into school for show-and-tell, metal moms and dads always find a way to make life more interesting (and bizarre) for their kids and the other parents around them. But now, one New Zealand woman has gone the distance and become the ultimate metal mom: she’s named her kids Metallica, Slayer, and Pantera.

The news of this revelation comes from filmmaker David Farrier (known for Netflix’s Dark Tourist), who posted to his Twitter, “Proud to report that a New Zealand mother has named her children Metallica, Pantera and Slayer. She told me, ‘It’s not easy raising three of the heaviest bands’… I become a bit suspicious when she also included Metallica‘s best album …And Justice for All in her kid’s name too, but New Zealand’s registrar-general seems to confirm it’s a real thing.”

Now, one might see these tweets and think, Okay, Dave, this crossbow-wielding woman has obviously pulled a fast one on you. But Farrier goes on to say he’s actually seen the children’s birth certificates.

“Plus, I’ve seen the birth certificates,” continued Farrier. “Anyway, waiting for comment from Metallica, Slayer and Pantera, as clearly this metal mother (and her kids) deserve free metal gigs for life…Finally, I think it’s important to note (as you can see in the photo in my article) this mother is also a big fan of crossbows which are also truly metal and she deserves our complete and utter respect for this (and for raising three kids).”

While we’re still a little suspicious of this story, we also have to admit that it’s the most awesome thing in the world. Here’s hoping that these children enjoy the music of their namesakes, and don’t grow up and change their names to Beyoncé, Katy Perry, and The Hamilton Soundtrack.

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Words by Chris Krovatin