Earlier this week, it was revealed that shock rocker Rob Zombie would officially be directing a new film adaptation of The Munsters. While this news was met with plenty of cheers, it was also received with a chorus of boos from fans of the show who were worried that Zombie would inject his trademark grit and terror into what was at its heart a very sweet TV series about a kindly family of monsters. While we understand the reticence, we’re also very excited to see if this could be where Zombie makes a movie that’s not just a lot of blood-spattered maniacs.
Here are 10 things we’d love to see from Rob Zombie’s take on The Munsters…
Good old-fashioned family values
It seems like the biggest worry everyone has about Rob Zombie’s The Munsters is that he’ll do what he did with Halloween and turn the Munster family into depraved, abusive perverts. And we agree that the beauty of the Munsters is just how functional and traditional a family they are. In that respect, we hope that Zombie doesn’t lose the innocent charm of the show in his interpretation.
A huge part of the original Munsters series was that even though the family is perfectly lovely, everyone is scared shitless of them. Because, well, they’re undead creatures of the night. We’re really stoked for that moment when Herman asks someone for a cup of sugar, and they respond with, “JESUS CHRIST, EVERYONE RUN, IT’S FUCKING FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER!” Fingers crossed.
Lily Munster’s signature hands…
Lily Munster was two things above all: a classic 1950s homemaker, and a vampire. Both of those traits were accentuated by her hands, which were always pointing, gesturing, and clawing in a manner somewhere between Donna Reed and Nosferatu. We have no doubt that Sheri Moon Zombie will embody the role, but we’d love to see her keep Yvonne De Carlo’s classic hand gestures throguhout.
…and her infamous lingerie
Va-va-voom. It’s pretty widely accepted that the infamous photos of Yvonne De Carlo modeling Munsters-themed niceties were faked. That said, most horror fans wish they weren’t, and if there’s one thing that Rob Zombie enjoys doing in his movies, it’s showcasing how fine he thinks his wife is. It might finally be time to make these classic pics a new reality. Pete Steele’ll be drooling in his grave.
Munster vs. monster conflict
Sure, the Munsters are your typical American neighbors–but they’re also monsters. Lily and Grandpa Munster are vampires (Grandpa is literally Dracula), and Eddie’s a werewolf. They need flesh and blood. If Zombie’s going to get gritty about anything, it should probably be watching these night creatures do their best to adapt to the modern world while desperately trying not to eat the neighbors.
Herman’s famous inclusivity speech (in some form)
There’s a specific scene in The Munsters where Herman tells Eddie that race, looks, none of it really matters in this world. “What does matter,” he says, “is the size of your heart, and the strength of your character.” That is, in a nutshell, why The Munsters was such a powerful part of American culture. Hopefully, Rob has taken that to heart, and has added some version of that speech into the story.
Eddie wolfing out
The whole point of The Munsters is that the monsters in the show aren’t a threat to humans–except Eddie. From the very first episode, it’s suggested that Eddie’s lycanthropy means he can’t be near his nanny during a full moon, lest he go full Lon Chaney Jr. on her ass. It’s important to us that Eddie transforms at least partially at some moment in the movie. C’mon, a werewolf in a schoolboy uniform–what’s not to like?
The Munsters features two vampires, a werewolf, a corpse golem…and a cute blonde? Herman and Lily’s niece Marilyn has always been the freak among her family, looking gorgeous and presentable while everyone else is undead and terrifying. What’s the deal? How is she related to the family? Is she monstrous in some different way? We’re interested to see what Rob does with arguably his most challenging character — a normal person.
At least one genuinely scary moment
While it’s important for the Munsters to be good-natured monsters, we also love Zombie’s horror work, and even great spooky comedies like What We Do In The Shadows have a truly frightening scene (remember that hallway chase?). It’d be rad if there was one moment where we understand exactly why everyone around 1313 Mockingbird Lane is frightened of their neighbors. Let’s see Grandpa drain a mortal!
Hot Rod Herman!
This one’s a no-brainer. There’s no Herman Munster like Hot Rod Herman, complete in his leather biker cap and switchblade-patch jacket reading ‘THE PUNK RODS’ on the back. We fully expect there to be a race featuring the Munster Koach. And if Herman’s got the Munster Koach, that means Grandpa has to have…
Words by Chris Krovatin