Heavy Metal Makes You Fat, According to British Tabloid

Image via the mighty Axeslasher

If you told the average metal fan that their fanbase is one of the fatter ones out there, they might not be too surprised. Metal is a culture where music comes first, and where people’s character isn’t judge by their appearance, so many of its listeners look however they want and don’t give a shit about societal beauty standards (and hey, real talk, lots of metalheads love to party, and will rarely say no to a cold liter of beer and a side of fries at a moment’s notice). However, these same fans would probably raise an eyebrow at the assertion that metal actually makes you fat — and yet that’s exactly what one British tabloid is claiming.

As reported by Loudwire, a new article by British tabloid The Daily Star titled “Metal Makes Us All Heavy — Loud Rock Linked to Craving Fatty Foods” claims that the speed and intensity of metal music apparently drives metal listeners towards fatty, unhealthy foods. Apparently, fast, loud, dissonant music could rev up those enjoying it so much that they crave food which feels as intense as the riffs (or something — the article does not feel like an incredibly scientific report). Meanwhile, fans of chill music like classical will be calmer and therefore inspired to make more intelligent, moderate choices.

Image via The Daily Star

Of course, multiple commentators on the article have called it as being utter balony (mmmm, bologna…).  On British TV show Jeremy Vine on 5, co-host Storm Huntley commented on the piece by saying, “I’m kind of R&B-pop…That doesn’t make me want to have a salad. Nothing seems to make me want to have a salad.”

“It just could be one of these classic things,” added Vine, “that very large people are drawn to heavy metal music rather than the other way round. The music that makes us want to have a salad, we’ve yet to discover.”

To all of our readers, The Pit just wants to say: you’re beautiful. Look however you want, so long as you’re healthy and happy.

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Words by Chris Krovatin