Yesterday, the world reeled to discover that after a long hiatus, culture-destroying death metallers Dethklok were finally returning to the public. Late-night animation network Adult Swim officially confirmed that Brendon Small’s ode to all things loud and brutal was officially greenlit as a full-length film. However, while fans responded with excitement, many also expressed their distaste for the show’s last extended play, “The Doomstar Requiem: A Klok Opera,” which they felt did the series an injustice and never saw its narrative through to the end.
Driven by our excitement, we decided to speculate as to what the Metalocalypse movie will feature — and what we’d like to see from it. Here’s where the bodies fall…
More death metal!
If there was one fatal flaw in the “Doomstar Reqiuem” rock opera, it was that there was a lot of music…and very little death metal! A huge part of Metalocalypse’s appeal is how Dethklok bring original songs to each episode. Hopefully this movie will be soundtracked by Dethklok, and not a showcase for a bunch of Broadway numbers. It can’t all be Franz Kafka!
The church of Dethklok
“The Doomstar Requiem” ends with Dethklok embracing their role in an ancient prophecy upheld by a clandestine church. It’s time that we watch Dethklok become the spiritual leaders of the world, and their fans become their followers — that, or we get to see the band totally bungle the role of messiahs, and all their fans die horrible deaths. Either way, we’re here for Dethklok’s unholy religion unfolding upon the world.
It ain’t a Dethklok party until someone needs an emergency liver transplant. Dethklok’s drinking is a vital part of their development as characters, not to mention one of the funnier aspects of the series. If Dethklok are going to fulfill their destinies, we better see them get totally fucking wasted along the way. No tequila for Nathan, though!
Brutal fan deaths
There’s nothing like watching a death metal fan get cut into three equally-sized pieces with a bass string to make you laugh your ass off. If Dethklok are truly returning, then there better be a towering body count, and it better involve some over-the-top placement of eyeballs and lower jaws. It’s all covered by the pain waiver.
Nathan and Abigail
Something especially funny about Nathan Explosion is that he, like so many death metal fans, is actually super emo when it comes to his romantic relationships, even while he’s also got a penchant for gold-digging sluts. Now, with producer Abigail Remeltindtdrinc, Nathan’s got a girlfriend in the form of a no-nonsense professional woman. We’re excited to see this blackest of romances unfold–and watch Nathan get kicked to the curb a few times in the process.
More metal Easter eggs
Because of its epic adventure format, “The Doomstar Requiem” didn’t have the metal-themed institutions we so desire from Metalocalypse. Now, the show has a whole new crop of bands to choose from, too! Will there be Gatecreeper Landscaping? Citrus smoothies at the Code Orange stand at the mall? An arcade featuring the new Devil Master game? Let’s see it, Small! We want them to go as big and ridiculous as Dimmu Burger!
Murderface being a dick
In the later episodes of Metalocalypse, Murderface becomes a bit of a foil — ugly, mean, pathetic. But earlier in the show, the bassist’s unbridled negativity was actually portrayed as the thing that most fans love about him. We’d like to see Murderface reclaim his throne as the king of the dicks, a vital if negative piece of Dethklok’s ecosystem. Hey, pobody’s nerfect.
Unexpected guest stars
Given what huge news the return of Dethklok is, we’d be surprised if a huge number of metal musicians didn’t offer to take part in the new film. But while we’d love to hear King Diamond or Kirk Hammett return, we’re also ready for some newcomers. Would Poppy offer a voice for the show? Joe Duplantier? Rob Zombie? The more packed with metal personalities this movie is, the better.
The confrontation with Salacia
While “The Doomstar Requiem” ended Dethklok’s conflict with the Revengencers and the Man With The Silver Face, it left their long-awaited battle with Mr. Salacia untouched. For the band’s epic storyline to be complete, we need to see them stand off against Salacia once and for all. How deep does the evil leader of the Tribunal’s powers go? We’re stoked the find out (and hopefully, we will this time around).
Dr. Rockzo’s destiny
Look, all throughout the unfolding Metalocalypse, Dethklok have been flanked by one man: Dr. Rockzo, the rock’n’roll clown, who does cocaine. That means he HAS to be part of this ancient prophecy, right? We’re dying to understand how a jacked-up clown whose junk is visible through his jumpsuit factors into the end of all things. KA-KA-KA-YEAH!
If you want to catch up on the show before the movie, make sure to read our ranking of every episode of Metalocalypse from worst to best.
Words by Chris Krovatin