Only recently, it was revealed that world-renowned shock rocker Rob Zombie would direct a new film version of the classic horror-comedy TV series The Munsters. Now, it appears that Pixar have tapped Rob to lend his unique vision to another time-honored tale — Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
According to Deathline, Pixar has chosen Zombie to update Goldilocks for the modern age. Tentatively titled Goldilocks: Just Right, the film will apparently be set in the late ’70s, and will tell the story of Goldilocks having to escape LA after killing her pimp, only to end up in the clutches of a sadistic porridge-slurping family of maniacs who call themselves “The Bears.” Sheri Moon Zombie is currently set to portray the titular heroine, while Jeff Daniel Phillips, Pam Grier, and Pancho Moler will portray Papa, Mama, and Baby Bear respectively.
“I’ve always thought that if the Goldilocks story was lacking anything, it was badass hard rock from the ’70s and a lot of water-damaged walls,” said Zombie in a press conference about the film. “I’m excited to work with Pixar on bringing to life a new take of this immortal fairy tale that includes a lot of senseless gore and bare breasts.” Zombie paused, and then said, “Bear breasts, even!” before erupting in uncontrollable laughter.
“We’re excited to see Rob’s interesting new version of Goldilocks come to life,” said Pixar president Jim Morris. “While I haven’t had a chance to see any of his previous films, I’m told that they have an inimitable style, and it’s those unorthodox minds like his that we’re passionate about working with here at Pixar.”
At press time, Zombie was explaining to a crowd of passerby that Goldilocks would blow off Red Riding Hood’s head with a shotgun towards the end of the film.
Rob Zombie’s The Lunar Injection Kool Aid conspiracy is out now on Nuclear Blast Records.
Words by Hank Callsy