There’s something especially exciting about a new Rob Zombie album on the horizon. Maybe it’s the fact that in the subgenre-choked world of metal, a big, recognizable release like a Zombie record is a benchmark we can rely on. Or maybe it’s the reliability of Rob himself — the knowledge that while other bands are going through their Depeche Mode phase or ‘returning to their roots,’ there’s a dude out there making slamming arena metal about sexy monsters and dead bodies. Whatever the case, if first single “The Triumph of King Freak (A Crypt of Preservation and Superstition)” is any indication, Rob’s forthcoming new record The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy is going to be a monolith around which fans will worship in 2021.
That said, we’d be lying if we said there weren’t a few things we’re hoping for on the latest Rob Zombie album. It’s not that Rob won’t deliver, it’s just that he’s consistently delivered so much that a new record has our minds reeling with possibilities. So in honor of Rob’s birthday today, here are 10 things we want from Rob’s upcoming new studio release…
The ultra-heavy
To be honest, Rob kind of screwed himself by releasing “The Triumph of King Freak” as the album’s first single — because now we want the whole record to be this heavy! The huge, throbbing power of that track immediately reminded us of what Rob was capable of. Now, we’re hoping that every song on the album brings that same jaw-breaking punch.
Some classic spookiness
As vintage horror and Halloween aesthetics begin returning to pop culture, the world feels ready for Rob to bring back some of that spookshow vibe he courted so hard with his short-lived record label Zombie A Go-Go. He definitely did some of it on The Electric Warlock Acid Witch Satanic Celebration Dispenser with songs like “The Hideous Exhibitions of a Dedicated Gore Whore,” and that has only piqued our interest further. We hope this album doesn’t shy away from the plastic and paper demons.
A 3 From Hell song
Go full circle! Both House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects had their specialty songs, so it’s only fitting that 3 From Hell should get one on this record. Is there a way to incorporate a Richard Brake verse, or perhaps some lines about murdering Luchador assassins south of the border? However it sounds, we’re sure it’ll slay.
Something that genuinely offends the squares
Fuck people! Something we’ve always loved about Rob’s work is that even this far into his career, he’s still dedicated to horror, torture, deviant sex and unholy bloodshed. We’d love to hear a Rob Zombie song with a well-arranged turn of phrase that makes us snicker in degenerate surprise and makes the rest of the world gasp and clutch their pearls. Hopefully, all those tours with Marilyn Manson has rubbed off, and Zombie comes out of the gate flicking boogers at polite society.
The interlude stuff IN the songs
The last Zombie album, The Electric Warlock Acid Witch Satanic Celebration Dispenser, had especially cool stuff in its interludes, like the creepy-crawl acoustics of “A Hearse That Overturns With The Coffin Bursting Open” and the wall-melting weirdness of “Super-Doom-Hex-Gloom Part One.” We’d love to hear a song or two built around those elements, incorporating that far-out experimentation into one of Rob’s patented crushers. After all, Rob’s strange and unusual tracks are always the ones that stick with us the longest.
Some fast hot-rod material
Rob has a long tradition of throwing in a speedy, fire-em-up number on his albums to divide the mid-paced jams — “How To Make A Monster,” “Let It All Bleed Out,” “Lucifer Rising,” they all go fast and loose in a way we love. Given how heavy “King Freak” was, we think there’s room for a straight-up racing thrash track on Eclipse Conspiracy. Given the past couple of years for Rob, what with a new movie, a new album, and constantly touring with Manson, it seems like uncontrollably hurtling towards something is a subject he knows plenty about.
One of Rob’s patented slow, crushing tracks
All great Zombie albums include a song that sounds like a corpse with rocks shoved in its stomach being dragged through a swamp, from Celebration Dispenser’s unholy “Wurdalak” all the way back to Hellbilly Deluxe’s bristling “Return of the Phantom Stranger.” Rob’s music is mid-paced as a rule, so when he takes the tempo down a notch, a new level of gravity gets added. We can only hope that Eclipse Conspiracy gives us one such slow, plodding, merciless track.
A song dedicated to Sid Haig
This might be a pipe dream, as Rob Zombie is not known for his big, emotional displays. But the death of Sid Haig in 2019 was a massive event, and showed just how immortal a cultural figure Captain Spaulding had become. There’d be something poetic about the king of shock rock penning a goodbye track to the lord of murderous clowns. Of course, it’d probably sound like a loudmouth city boy who wandered off from his car getting stabbed to death, but hey, it’s all in the ears you’re listening with.
A Halloween anthem
In an era when Sam from Trick’r’Treat has become a new cultural mascot, Halloween has regained its cultural status as the most dangerous, unholy, and fun night of the year. This is the perfect time for Rob to drop the ultimate Halloween song, the kind of track that makes “Thriller” sound like “Muskrat Love.” It’s a bit of a tough sell with an album being released in March, but for a guy like Zombie, it’s October all year round.
A goddamn tour!
Well, obviously. Look, other bands dropping a new album with no supporting tour sucks, but Rob Zombie dropping an album with no supporting tour is a goddamn fucking travesty. We can only hope that by March, the COVID vaccine has become available enough that herd immunity kicks in, and we can all scream along to “Pussy Liquor” in unison together. Pray to Satan for good health.
Rob Zombie’s new album, The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy, drops March 12th and is available for preorder.
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Words by Chris Krovatin
