Okay, so: someone you really don’t like has been trying to get in your pants. You’ve dropped every polite hint possible, and they still won’t leave you alone. How do you make them instantly afraid of you and keep them from ever wanting to hang out with you again? Now, Relapse Records has given you the answer: the Death, Spiritual Healing bobblehead set.
For those fans of Florida death metal forefathers death who want to scare the living shit out of any living thing that wanders into their home, Relapse is offering a bundle deal in which shoppers can purchase the new vinyl edition of Death’s 1990 classic along with a bobblehead rendition of its cover. This means you get a small statue of a money-hungry preacher pretending to heal a handicapped man while a sociopathic bible thumper pumps her hands in the air, praising the Lord. And the heads bobble.
According to Relapse’s webstore, the set is limited to 500, and is seven inches tall and numbered. And here’s what it looks like:
No word if the handicapped dude’s head also bobbles, or if it’s just the two religious assholes.
Compliments must be given to the sculptor of this piece of merch for their dedication to making its central figure as dead-eyed and off-putting as possible. This does, however, leave one to wonder why anyone would ever want this adorning their shelf. At some point, when the owner has just woken up hung over or flopped down after a long day or committed an act of self-love, their eyes are going to lock with those of the fuckin’ dude from Spiritual Healing, and whatever remaining light was inside of them will be snuffed out like a weak candle.
All that said, if you’ve got $70 you don’t want, and love the shit out of Death, the bobblehead bundle remains available for purchase.
Words by Chris Krovatin