A few million years ago, the planet Earth was introduced to perhaps the only worthwhile musical act to ever play a note — the collection of intergalactic conquerors, crack fiends, and thrash metal musicians known only as GWAR. Over the centuries, GWAR have made a point of killing and fucking any living creature they could get their hands on while making some of the grossest metal alive. But now, as humanity kills the planet all by itself and society seems to be hurtling into chaos, one wonders: what’s left for GWAR to kill?
To answer this burning question, GWAR frontman Blöthar the Berserker joins this week’s episode of our heavy-metal talk show Last Words, alongside hosts Jordan Olds (Two Minutes To Late Night), Katy Irizarry (Season Of Mist), and Doc Coyle (Bad Wolves/Ex Man Podcast). When asked why GWAR just doesn’t leave, the horned one is matter-of-fact: if only they could!
“GWAR is one long episode of Gilligan’s Island,” he explains. “We always try and we never make it. I end up wearing a coconut bra, and the whole thing goes to hell…we’d like to leave, but every single time we get close, we get the rug pulled out from under us, and we’re stuck on this shitball planet.”
“There’s also a travel ban,” notes Katy.
“Space ICE is no joke,” says Doc.
Katy goes on to bring up that the coronavirus might be Blöthar’s biggest rival — “They’ve killed more people than GWAR,” she notes — and asks who the band is planning to kill next.
“We would like to see [the coronavirus] wound up as soon as possible,” says the frontman. “As far as people that we’re going to kill…I don’t know, I mean we always do the parade of celebrities…maybe we can finally move on to killing Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, and then all of Trump’s crybaby followers will stop bothering us.”
Check out the greatest episode ever below:
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